Taking stock: an entry in transit

It is strange,  I landed in Cairo with far more trepidation than I did in Juba.   My friends know I compare most everything,  inevitably to dating.  Cairo was like seeing an ex again after some dramatically change,  bringing g up all the baggage that I had with her and uncertain how it would come up.  And I left her on decent terms,  knowing she's different now,  someone who I will probably not know again the way I used to but hat a solid foundation exists for new ties if we did have the chance to become friends. But I didn't know that going in and so landed with great anxious anticipation.  I had somewhat similar sensations returning to the US after my semester abroad.

But Juba is different. Juba is a more or less complete unknown.  Turning to her feels inevitable and important. Less anxiety than a determination to write my story upon her in clear,  fine letters. Not in a white savior mode. . . . I do not aspire to save or change her in any grand way but to just serve to the best of my ability,  offer up whatever skills I have that might make an impact for the better however small.  And to in turn be written upon, but hopefully not in such a way to be unrecognizeable to myself after.  but to be a better version of myself.   So not anxious but curious determined ready for the unknown things that will come from this choice I have made. And opporturnity I have accepted.

Ever thought about what your past self would think of your present? I have pondered this while in transit this week and all in all feel like I am doing ok presently. . . .this is in some way what my college self had in mind.  I am volunteering in an Arabic speaking postconflict country have a few years of marketable work experience that have clarified my skills and interests,  and am en route to a masters degree that will lead me closer to desired skills and developed interests.  Its maybe not perfectnor the maximizing of my potential, whatever that might mean.  I would like to be speaking fluent Arabic rather than the sad version mixed either Spanish and Italian I'm stuck on after Geneva.  Maybe I could have a more prominent job or career path lined up.   Maybe maybe maybe.

Whether I have always chosen the best possible way forward?  Almost certainly not, but will never know otherwise. Have I gotten the life that I had wanted and chosen the life I have gotten? Yes, I recently realized that I had.

I'm filling in the rough sketch of goals and ideas I had a few years ago, have left my values and ideals more or less intact,  have done some pretty memorable things, have chosen my next steps forward of my own free will.  When unpacking I found 4 different currencies and public transit tickets from 6 different cities (Geneva, Paris, Rome, Lyon, Amsterdam, and Chicago/South Bend).  I have lived with people from a dozen different countries. This moment in life feels right even if some bends in the road took me by surprise or were sharper than I anticipated.  And I feel very fortunate,  

I will take it, mosquito bites and all.